List of Lord of Games quotes

A list of quotes said by the Lord of Games throughout Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts.

Quotes

Intro

• "Greetings, O second-rate game characters!"
• "My title is the Lord of Games, but you has-beens call me L.O.G. I am the grand creator of all videogames!"
• "I come to settle your differences, cliched crone. You will play a challenge of my choice. To the winner goes Spiral Mountain. To the loser... an eternity of toil in my video game factory!"
• "I wish they could stay like this, but I suppose you people would actually like to take a part in this game."
• "Now then, in line with Banjo tradition, your challenge will consist of collecting as many pointless objects as possible. Let the Collectathon commence!"
• "No no, it's all too painful to watch, gamers today don't want all this, they just want to shoot things! But as we're broadening the demographic, I'll have to think of something original. Hmmm. Very well then, failures, listen carefully."
• "But nowhere near as many as that Italian gentleman, correct?"
• "I will now transport you to a brand new game world, considerably more impressive than anything you've seen before.
• "Any other requests?"
• "You won't be needing those. They were rather outdated, anyway."
• "Please follow me in those vehicles before I change my mind."
• "That looked rather painful. Let's begin, shall we?"
• "This charming locale is known as Showdown Town."
• "Perched up there is my splendid videogame factory."
• "While exploring the town, look for these doors, which lead into Game Worlds of my own creation. There you'll find Jigsaw Pieces..."
• "Silence, Bregull. Deposit the Jigsaw Pieces in the Jiggy Bank, and more doors will open to you."
• "Win and bank enough Jiggies to open the final door, return to Spiral Mountain and potentially win the game."
• "Grunty's role in my wonderful game is quite simple. She must try to prevent you two from getting back to Spiral Mountain."
• "By using this, impatient bird of dubious popularity."
• "Actually, you'll find that rusty stick to be a magical wrench with near-unlimited creative power."
• "Oh my, Piddles isn't going to like that."
• Now then, hold down the right trigger to pick up objects, and release it to drop them. Pick up this."

Showdown Town

• "That Trophy Thomas fellow seems to think his gifts equal my own, but when it comes to maximizing your Jiggy count by replaying games, he does serve a purpose."
• "I invented the first-person shooter, you know. Wish I hadn't bothered now. Have you seen how many of the thing there are? I expect there's even a space marine in this game somewhere."
• "You may be restricted to a single vehicle in Showdown Town, but don't let that put you off experimenting with your best new parts to create mean machines for use in the Game Worlds!"
• "Whatever the outcome of this conflict, do you think you could consider not having a nemesis for a while? Your squabbling gives me a serious migraine, right here, behind my screen."
• "Most of the Game Globe plinths are in exclusive areas of Showdown Town for a reason. I don't want you juggling games in five different worlds from the outset! Focus and earn your progress!"
• "How are you getting on with the wrench? Finding new uses for it? Those bolts around town aren't purely decorative, you know..."
• "Large areas of town will be unavailable to you at first. It seemed fitting that landmark battles with your nemesis Gruntilda should grant you the elements needed to progress."
• "The Jinjos in the Game Worlds are rather more independent than the few remaining in Showdown Town, who may need some help to escape their current circumstances."
• "She's a curious one, your arch-enemy, standing around refusing to take part. Don't be tempted to follow suit! Completing challenge is vital to your success, both here and back home!"
• "I discarded a lot of Game Worlds from this adventure. The Sewers of Severity, Vomit Volcano, Tooty Land... None of them made the cut, for whatever reason."
• "They're all in the pipeline, you know. Killer Instinct 3, Battletoads and Jet Force Gemini games. Even Ghoulies 2! Oh you'll never believe that. I've ruined my own humorous jape."
• "Remember Canary Mary? Did you have fun racing her? How I laughed when I was setting up those levels. I'm still laughing."
• "You should be grateful, I could've sent you to Hoedown Town. It's awful. The music, the dancing!"
• "Yes, there is a Lady of Games, not that it's any of your business. She invented the first games to feature pony-riding, lovely kittens, and ninjas being blown up with rocket launchers."
• "For my next trick, I may take that Piñata franchise down the survival horror route. What do you think? They go bad, trap you in a cabin and you have to fend them off with a shovel handle."
• "What's that? You want to know why you've never met or heard of me before? Well, I'm very good at disguising myself. Pet my piglet!"
• "So did you meet your old acquaintances around town? I thought it might be amusing if they took supporting roles in the Game Worlds too. Short-staffed? Why would you think that?"
• "So, you freed all the Jinjos? What if some of them were actually criminals? I jest. Shrewd work, bear."
• "A potential injustice is resolved, now that all the freed Jinjos have been replaced with Minjos. A good job, well done."
• "You've found a Jiggy Tamper Switch. It has helpfully "massaged" your Jiggy score, in effect giving you a free Jiggy. I knew I should've deactivated those things... Still, points for effort!"
• Alas, No. The warp system is built to transport vehicles. Not of bunch of animals running on foot like. Well... like animals. Hop back into your Trolley and try again"
• "L.O.G.'s Lost Challenges can only be accessed by entering through this door, and not by using the main entrance to Mumbo's Motors."
• "You've beaten all my lost challenges to T.T. standard! T.T. is so livid, he's splashed out with the gold paint in a vain and gaudy attempt to reassert his magnificence. Congratulations, bear!"

Spiral Mountain

• "Unless my pixels deceive me, it would appear that you've made it to the final challenge, bear. I applaud the combination of willpower and sheer blind luck that has carried you this far."
• "This challenge is like nothing you've attempted so far. There are 6 challenges to be completed. The cumulative timer gauges your performance through all 6 tasks. But! Pause for drama... Only one vehicle will be allowed."
• "You've proven your worth to me once, but feel free to impress me again! The thrill never wears off!"
• "We'll begin with a relatively easy task. Stay within the marked area until the countdown reaches zero."
• "Time for a break after that simple introduction, and of course it wouldn't be a Banjo-Kazooie game without some quiz questions near the end. Answer correctly to wind back the challenge clock!"
• "Now for your next test. Collect Grunty's eye and put it where it belongs! That's right, in the skip. Oh, very well, the "dumpster." Sigh..."
• "Yes, Spiral Mountain is looking tidier already. Back to the quiz!"
• "Efficiently done! Now to shoot some targets. Destroy all of them to progress further into the challenge."
• "Impressive shooting! Let's see if you can be quite as quick on the draw in my rapid-fire quiz."
• "Very well, we'll continue. Follow the marked route, passing through each checkpoint."
• "I'm beginning to think I set the difficulty for these challenges too low. Let's ramp up the quiz questions!"
• "Almost there! Collect all the Honeycombs and return them to me. It's not unoriginal, how dare you! It's... Er... Satirical."
• "Still no problems with the physical side of things, I see. Ready for a few more mental curveballs?"
• "The last stage. Do you feel the excitement building? Push all the big-eyed, bite-sized vegetables out of the marked area!"
• "I do believe that's the right answer!."
• "Well done, you answered that correctly!."
• "Excellent, a correct answer!."
• "Sadly, no, you're wrong on that one."
• "No... That's not what it says on my card."
• "Beep! Quite incorrect."
• "Rubbish! That's the wrong answer."
• "Entirely pathetic. You didn't answer any questions correctly."
• "Not a performance to boast about. One question answered correctly!"
• "Hmmm... You scored two. Not bad, but frankly I expected better."
• "A decent score of three, but still some room for improvement."
• "All question answered correctly! Aren't you the smart one?"
• "For such a difficult task, your effort was commendable. However, the true prize remains out of reach this time."
• "You've done well, Banjo. The prize is yours, but remember, even the most determined efforts can be bettered!'
• "My eyes are almost popping out of my screen! A performance like that earns you the very highest reward!"

When hit

• "Sigh. This latest batch of characters is even more dysfunctional than I suspected."
• "I'll assume that was an accident. Keep it up and I'll reduce you to constituent pixels!"

L.O.G.'s Lost Challenges

• "Welcome to my lost challenges! I had considered hosting them in the Sewers of Severity, so count yourself lucky. Here you'll find some familiar hosts with tough new trials to test your mettle."
• "I've also upgraded the Stop 'n' Swop feature to include Banjo-Tooie on Xbox Live Arcade. If you have Banjo-Kazooie and Banjo-Tooie, complete Stop 'n' Swop for new rewards here in Nuts & Bolts!"
• "Ah, good work! That's a full set of black and white Jiggies. As a little reward, I've added some concept art to your photo gallery."
• "You'll find it on the pause menu, but only when you're playing these lost challenges. Now then!"
• "Well, it seems you've beaten all my lost challenges in your own contraptions. I am simultaneously impressed and vexed. I didn't think you had the creativity..."
• "I've added some more concept art to the gallery, as fans seem to like this stuff, and Klungo mentioned he has a present for you too. I shudder to think, but it can't hurt to pay him a visit."

Ending

• "I don't think that will be necessary, Banjo."
• "Because you've just won the game."
• "Oh, but you are. Farewell, you half-baked harridan!"
• "Now, if you two wouldn't mind smartening yourselves up, I'll see you later to collects your prize."
• "By the video game powers invested in me by myself, I hereby declare Banjo to be the rightful owner of Spiral Mountain, for now and evermore."
• "Good point, although you may never get another game."
• "I believe somebody has something to show you."
• "Of course, I have the best gift for you. It's just a little something I made eariler."
• "Let's take a look, shall we?."

Loading Screen Tips

• "Press and hold the Button when on foot to recall a distant or lost vehicle. This will not work during a Jiggy game. That would be cheating!"
• "If you've built a heavy vehicle, you'll need to add more power to enable it to perform well."
• "Have you been playing for a while but still don't like the vehicle-based gameplay? Maybe you need to buy Banjo-Kazooie on Xbox Live Arcade instead."
• "Showdown Town is made up of six different districts: the town center, theater district, seaside, lake, docks and uptown."
• "Collect the Mumbo Crates around Showdown Town, then take them to Mumbo's Motors to add more vehicle parts to the garage parts store."
• "I've heard that cooking roast beef in the Nutty Acres volcano is considered a real achievement."
• "Hold up on the D-Pad when not in a Jiggy game to make a shortcut to Mumbo's Motors, where you can build or test vehicles."
• "Visit Mumbo's Motor's in Showdown Town to build and fine-tune your very own vehicles."
• "Most of the vehicle parts in the Weapon category also require ammo to function. A simple but crucial point."
• "Leave plenty of space between wheels and add them to the corners of land-based vehicles for optimal performance."
• "Having trouble finding the Jinjos in game worlds? The Spy-o-Specs vehicle part is the answer."
• "Reading these tips is usually quite helpful. As you can see, this one is an exception. Sorry about that."
• "During races, the green checkpoint is always the next one you need to pass through, then amber, then red."
• "In multiplayer mode, you'll start your own party. If you're connected to Xbox Live, you can join your friends' parties or invite them to your party."
• "Only the Trolley can be used in Showdown Town. I will be not swayed! All other Vehicles can be used inside the Game Worlds."
• "Remember, Kazooie can pick up and carry any moveable object. Just stand close enough to highlight it and hold the Right Trigger."