Gruntilda/quotes

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Gruntilda is infamous in the gaming world for her hilarious and very bizarre rhyming quotes. This page is a collection of Gruntilda's rhyming quotes throughout the Banjo-Kazooie series.

In Certain Areas

Gruntilda's Lair

At Random

Many tricks are up my sleeve, to save yourself you'd better leave!
Grunty's plan is rather cunning, when I'm thin guys will come running!
Long of tooth and strong of arm, Grunty's got the lasting charm!
My filthy bed gives me a rash, I never wash, I save my cash!
I don't like stairs much in my lair, they always make me gasp for air!
Can't you get here any faster? Come and fight me, I'm the master!
If you think I'm rather soft, I'll be waiting in the loft!
Why do I talk all the time, it's really hard to make these rhyme!
I'm still here, I watch you play, but I can't think of much to say!
It really does sound quite absurd, adventure of a bear and bird!
How bright they are, your stupid shorts, a target for my dumb cohorts!
That ugly bear, you feathered freak, is nothing but a stupid geek!
Join me now and dump the bear, that little backpack then I'll wear!
You side with Banjo but change tack, imagine you on Grunty's back!
Your feathered buddy, that you've brung, useless like a pile of dung!
I can see it's quite hard work, to lump around that squawking jerk!
My next world is the hardest yet, and you'll fail on that I'll bet!
Tooty's fate is looking grim, it's because her brother's dim!
I've got this skirt so when I'm thinner, it really makes me look a winner!
When Tooty is a big ole lump, I've got just the frock to hide her rump!
Your butt will tell you and you'll know, when my boot swings to and fro!
When the back of Grunty's hand, whups your butt you'll hardly stand!
Hey Banjo, you're looking glum, it must be hard, being so dumb!
Grunty's stomach and leg thins, goodbye to all those double chins!
Once I'm nice and thin once more, burgers, fries, and chips galore!
Tooty says she's fine with me, if you go home I'll set her free!
Grunty admits she's a hog, I really need a big hot dog!
Monsters chase you, they're a hounding, then you'll get a Grunty pounding!
My belly's big, it's rather neat, it's years since I have seen my feet!
I've learned this spell, it's really neat, I'll keep it later for your treat!

Specific Events

There he is, the fun begins, my tricks and traps will see who wins!
That was such an easy fit, the others may just test your wit!
You've found some notes but you need more, to break my spell and pass this door!
That door was easy you got past, unfortunately your first and last!
When you open a world door, baddies escape and roam once more!
If one more page I see you turn, than (sic) Grunty shall Cheato burn!
That traitor book has pushed its luck, so in the burning fire I'll chuck!
What's wrong Banjo, is it tough? Let me know when you've had enough!
It's not over stupid bear, see my picture over there!
To fill it up is no mean feat, lots of Jiggies make it complete!
I'm sad to say down there you'll stop, 'cuz I'm safe here at the top!
Don't be sure you silly pot, soon I'll have you nice and hot!
See these filthy clothes I've got, when I've won you'll wash the lot!
All the Jiggies you did snatch, but I'll be back for my rematch!
Stop This Cheating Grunty Says, Or Your Gamepak I'll Erase!

Treasure Trove Cove

That golden treasure was for me, now harder still the game will be!
That lousy cheat for extra eggs, won't help bear and chicken legs!
All my feathers, it makes me sick, fly to me, your butt I'll kick!
Gold feathers you may have twenty, but bruises you'll still get plenty!

Bubblegloop Swamp

First you see it, now you don't, the fast one wins, the slow one won't!
I'll be young and Tooty old, before you get Gruntilda's gold!

Gobi's Valley

Grunty's race you cannot beat, until you find some faster feet!

Mad Monster Mansion

Those lovely thorns, how they've grown, music to my ears as you moan!
I can't believe you went in there, wash your hands now, filthy bear!
These two guests are rather dumb, let's make sure they're unwelcome!
Yes I'm mad, my boot I'll put, up your useless spooky butt!
Big oak door is very tough, stupid bear's not fast enough!

Rusty Bucket Bay

My oily water, in you plunge, you'll lose air while in that gunge!
Under the scum you'll breathe your last, 'cuz air is used twice as fast!
Stupid bear, you'll have to learn, that red hot ovens tend to burn!

Click Clock Wood

My bramble field makes you yelp, and loss of life it sure does help!
Yes that's right, swim under there, icy water takes double air!

Top of the Tower

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT FURRY PAIR GOT RIGHT UP HERE. IT'S SO UNFAIR! BUT NOW THE STUPID BEAR MUST FIGHT. THIS BATTLE TESTS YOUR SKILL AND MIGHT!
SO YOU'RE BACK, YOU MUST BE THICK. AGAIN YOU'LL LOSE, I'LL MAKE IT QUICK!
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE BACK AGAIN, STUPID BEAR AND DIM BIRD BRAIN!
BACK ONCE MORE, YOU NEVER LEARN. THAT SUITS ME FINE, YOUR BUTTS I'LL BURN!

During Cutscenes

Introduction to Banjo-Kazooie

Dingpot, Dingpot by the bench, who is the nicest looking wench?
Yes you're right, I'm rather proud, my looks stand me out from the crowd!
What d'you mean, this cannot be, there's no one prettier than me!
No no no you must be mad, nicer beauty can't be had!
If Tooty thinks she's fairer than me, I'll steal her looks and ugly she'll be.
Come to me, my little pretty, you'll soon be ugly, what a pity!
Don't scratch and bite little bear, you'll soon need bigger underwear!
This fine contraption, so I'm told, will make me young and Tooty old!
Rescue you he will not dare, there's many danger's in my lair!
Hurry Klungo push that switch, I'm tired of being an ugly witch!

Game Over From Banjo-Kazooie

Banjo's game ends in my tower, turn it up I need full power!
Look at Grunty she's a beauty, I'm much prettier than Tooty!