Gruntilda/quotes

Gruntilda is infamous in the gaming world for her hilarious and very bizarre rhyming quotes. This page is a collection of Gruntilda's rhyming quotes throughout the Banjo-Kazooie series.

At Random

 * Many tricks are up my sleeve, to save yourself you'd better leave!
 * Grunty's plan is rather cunning, when I'm thin guys will come running!
 * Long of tooth and strong of arm, Grunty's got the lasting charm!
 * My filthy bed gives me a rash, I never wash, I save my cash!
 * I don't like stairs much in my lair, they always make me gasp for air!
 * Can't you get here any faster? Come and fight me, I'm the master!
 * If you think I'm rather soft, I'll be waiting in the loft!
 * Why do I talk all the time, it's really hard to make these rhyme!
 * I'm still here, I watch you play, but I can't think of much to say!
 * It really does sound quite absurd, adventure of a bear and bird!
 * How bright they are, your stupid shorts, a target for my dumb cohorts!
 * That ugly bear, you feathered freak, is nothing but a stupid geek!
 * Join me now and dump the bear, that little backpack then I'll wear!
 * You side with Banjo but change tack, imagine you on Grunty's back!
 * Your feathered buddy, that you've brung, useless like a pile of dung!
 * I can see it's quite hard work, to lump around that squawking jerk!
 * My next world is the hardest yet, and you'll fail on that I'll bet!
 * Tooty's fate is looking grim, it's because her brother's dim!
 * I've got this skirt so when I'm thinner, it really makes me look a winner!
 * When Tooty is a big ole lump, I've got just the frock to hide her rump!
 * Your butt will tell you and you'll know, when my boot swings to and fro!
 * When the back of Grunty's hand, whups your butt you'll hardly stand!
 * Hey Banjo, you're looking glum, it must be hard, being so dumb!
 * Grunty's stomach and leg thins, goodbye to all those double chins!
 * Once I'm nice and thin once more, burgers, fries, and chips galore!
 * Tooty says she's fine with me, if you go home I'll set her free!
 * Grunty admits she's a hog, I really need a big hot dog!
 * Monsters chase you, they're a hounding, then you'll get a Grunty pounding!
 * My belly's big, it's rather neat, it's years since I have seen my feet!
 * I've learned this spell, it's really neat, I'll keep it later for your treat!

Specific Events

 * There he is, the fun begins, my tricks and traps will see who wins!
 * That was such an easy fit, the others may just test your wit!
 * You've found some notes but you need more, to break my spell and pass this door!
 * That door was easy you got past, unfortunately your first and last!
 * When you open a world door, baddies escape and roam once more!
 * If one more page I see you turn, than (sic) Grunty shall Cheato burn!
 * That traitor book has pushed its luck, so in the burning fire I'll chuck!
 * What's wrong Banjo, is it tough? Let me know when you've had enough!
 * It's not over stupid bear, see my picture over there!
 * To fill it up is no mean feat, lots of Jiggies make it complete!
 * I'm sad to say down there you'll stop, 'cuz I'm safe here at the top!
 * Don't be sure you silly pot, soon I'll have you nice and hot!
 * See these filthy clothes I've got, when I've won you'll wash the lot!
 * Stupid bear and dumb Kazooie, I'll be back in Banjo-Tooie!
 * All the Jiggies you did snatch, but I'll be back for my rematch!
 * Stop this cheating Grunty says, or your game pak I'll erase!
 * You didn't listen, I'm amazed, so now your game pak is erased!

Treasure Trove Cove

 * That golden treasure was for me, now harder still the game will be!
 * That lousy cheat for extra eggs, won't help bear and chicken legs!
 * All my feathers, it makes me sick, fly to me, your butt I'll kick!
 * Gold feathers you may have 20, but bruises you'll still get plenty!

Bubblegloop Swamp

 * First you see it, now you don't, the fast one wins, the slow one won't!
 * I'll be young and Tooty old, before you get Gruntilda's gold!

Gobi's Valley

 * Grunty's race you cannot beat, until you find some faster feet!

Mad Monster Mansion

 * Those lovely thorns, how they've grown, music to my ears as you moan!
 * I can't believe you went in there, wash your hands now, filthy bear!
 * These 2 guests are rather dumb, let's make sure they're unwelcome!
 * Yes I'm mad, my boot I'll put, up your useless spooky butt!
 * Big oak door is very tough, stupid bear's not fast enough!

Rusty Bucket Bay

 * My oily water, in you plunge, you'll lose air while in that gunge!
 * Under the scum you'll breathe your last, 'cuz air is used twice as fast!
 * Stupid bear, you'll have to learn, that red hot ovens tend to burn!

Click Clock Wood

 * My bramble field makes you yelp, and loss of life it sure does help!
 * You'll use you air up double fold, I've made this water double cold!
 * Yes that's right, swim under there, icy water takes double air!

Introduction

 * Welcome all, Grunty's the name, Banjo's here to play my game!
 * My lair is done and there he stands, Through all my tricks and traps and lands!
 * This final test will see me win, When Banjo fails then I'll be thin
 * The prizes on this stand bring joy, from Tooty down to cuddly toy!
 * My little quiz will make you sweat, and Tooty you shall never get!
 * 'Cuz somewhere soon along the way, your lack of skill will make my day!
 * 'Cuz in the fiery pit you'll go, and I will win the prize on show!
 * So step on over to the square, Press A to try it if you dare!

Squares

 * A little answer's all I seek, about this game you furry geek!
 * A lucky guess, you got it right, the next square's yours without a fight!
 * A visual challenge you stupid bear, To tell me who is it or where!
 * Hear the crowd, they boo and hiss, to see you fail they would not miss!
 * A question on the sounds I play, get it wrong to make my day!
 * Just one chance to get this right, win a joker and help it might!
 * Each joker card that you have got, will skip your question, that's your lot!
 * Press B to use it you little cheat, when on a sqaure you get cold feet!
 * Prepare yourself to take a whack, pick this test, you won't come back!
 * I think it's time, so let me see, how much you know of little old me!
 * That's a secret, how did you know? Did my sister tell you so?
 * Get this wrong for Grunty's sake, then a lava bath you will take!

Failing a square

 * Fail a square and you'll feel pain, please press A to try again!
 * Get more wrong, yes that's the way, the crowds are happier today!
 * An easy challenge you have assumed, one more wrong and you are doomed!

Collecting an item on the board

 * An extra life, I do not care, It will not help you scruffy bear!

Ending

 * No one can win, I was assured, By the makers of this board!
 * It's not fair, I want to win, How I longed to be real thin!
 * Now you can take the prize on show, while up the winding stairs I go!
 * You won't catch me, I've made sure, All the credits you'll now endure!

Banjo and Kazooie Entering

 * I can't believe that furry pair, got right up here it's so unfair!
 * But now the stupid bear must fight, this battle tests your skill and might!
 * Back once more, you'll never learn, that suits me fine, your butts I'll burn!
 * Who's back up here, oh my word, it's birdy geek and hairy nerd!
 * I can't believe you're up here again, dumb bear and stupid bird brain!
 * I'm not one to brag or boast, but after this you'll both be toast!
 * So you're back, you must be thick, you'll lose again, I'll make it quick.

Gruntilda Hurt

 * Ouch my butt, it's now quite sore, I'll make you suffer, that's for sure!
 * What was that, you got me now, you've really angered this old cow!
 * A glancing blow, nothing more, now I'll knock you through the floor!

Banjo and Kazooie Hurt

 * Did you hear that lovely clack, my broomstick gave you such a whack!
 * Ah, I see it makes you sad, to know your skills are really bad!

Transition

 * It's too easy, so I fear, now watch me step things up a gear!
 * Don't hit me, that's quite enough, I think you'll find the next bit tough!
 * That last hit did clip my ear, but you can't get me over here!

Gruntilda Hurt

 * That didn't hurt, I feel no pain, Grunty's back to fight again!
 * Argh, I'm slow with all of this lard. That egg of yours caught me off guard!
 * I can't dodge with all this weight, those nasty eggs I sure do hate!
 * Ouch! My gut you nearly hit, if your shot was down a bit!
 * This spot is proving rough, I'll have to move to make it more tough!
 * Ahh, it's time for me to change, my spot just to put me out of range!
 * Ooof! I took another whack, but watch me give you double back!

Banjo and Kazooie Hurt

 * So I got you there once more, I knew your skill was very poor!
 * That last blast you forgot to duck, so Banjo's useless head it struck!

=Transition
=
 * Off I fly 'cuz then we'll see, if you can get the best of me!
 * Did you know I learned to fly? At witch's school, I'm sure you know why.
 * A big old gal I may be, but when I fly you can't get me!
 * Old Bottle brain has taught you well, but bears can't fly and I can tell!
 * Now I'm off into the air, leaving Banjo way down there.
 * See my broomstick, watch me fly, I'll beat your butt, don't even try!

=Gruntilda Hurt
=
 * Another hit, I'm getting weak, I really need to take a leak!
 * ARRGH you got me once again, prepare to take this sizzle brain!
 * Oooh you sniveling little pup, have this bolt, I'm speeding up!
 * YOW! That beak sure gave me a jolt, so you can have this here lightening bolt!

=Banjo and Kazooie Hurt
=
 * This broom is hard and as it streaks, across the sky it chafes my cheeks!
 * Fireball fizz and fireball fly, blast that bear out of my sky!
 * Another hit, that's how it goes, watch me fly and pick my nose!
 * Soon you'll lose and when you've gone, I have to go and use the john!

Transition

 * I may be old and rather wide, but underneath this shield I'll hide!
 * That pointy beak did not miss, but let's see it get through this!
 * Look at me I'm quite a mess, here's a shield to hide my dress!
 * A special shield I need to call, to stop your hits once and for all!

Jinjo statues appear

 * Come on then you little punks, Grunty's spells will make you chunks!
 * I hid those Jinjos really well, but must have used a lousy spell!
 * I hid you well for being bad, don't help the bear, you'll make me mad!
 * So your little furry friends, come here to share your very end!

Gruntilda Hurt

 * How that Jinjo stung and burned, he got me when my back was turned!
 * That wasn't fair, I wasn't ready, Jinjos make me so unsteady!
 * Hey, that Jinjo really hurt, now I'll rub you in the dirt!
 * That wasn't fair, I wasn't ready, I feel all faint and unsteady!
 * I hold on hard and grit my teeth, to stop it dangling underneath!
 * Uselss Jinjos sneer and hoot, go back right now or taste my boot!
 * Oooh those nasty pointy beaks, are causing swelling in my cheeks!
 * Don't hit me you flying pig, my anger is now growing big!

Banjo and Kazooie Hurt

 * Your stupid friends aren't much help, they stand there while I make you yelp!
 * Your silly friends upon their blocks, they're going to take a couple of knocks!

Transition

 * Useless broomsticks I can't stand, it's left me stranded back on land!
 * That last shot I failed to stop, so down onto the ground I drop!
 * My broomstick failed with that last blow, now on my legs I have to go!
 * Oooof, you've winded me all around, to catch my breath I'm on the ground!
 * I've bet you thought you had me beat, but look! I've landed on my feet!

Jinjonator appears

 * What's all this, how dare you cheat, but I don't care, I can't be beat!
 * That's no good you stupid jerk, the Jinjo statue will not work!
 * I really think you ought to run, when I beat him and spoil your fun!

Banjo and Kazooie Hurt

 * Hear the fizzle and feel the pain, you're going to lose a life again!
 * Spells rain down upon your head, you stand no chance when I see red!
 * The bear is dumb, the bird's a twit, 'cuz I just got another hit!

Jinjonator Attack

 * I could take these shots all day, there's no way I'm going to sway!
 * See your Jinjo fail to work, he's nothing but a feeble jerk!
 * Your crafty plan stands no chance, I'm firmly rooted in this stance!
 * There's no way he'll shift my bulk, I watch you cry and have a sulk!
 * Even with your extra friend, I know you'll meet a nasty end!

Attack succeeds

 * That last Jinjo has finished me, but who laughs last we shall soon see!
 * I'm done for now hear me choke, but look what's hidden in my cloak!
 * Poor old Grunty, set to fall, upon this spell I'll now call!
 * AARGH I'm beaten fair and square, before I go I've got this to share!
 * It's all over I can tell, but Grunty's got just one more spell!

Magnet Spell

 * Here's my Magnet Spell at last, run and hide you won't get past!
 * Magic spell, seek out your prey, it's sure to hit, O happy day!
 * See this spell, I think you'll find, its target will be your behind!
 * Spell of Banjo homing, get him now to stop his roaming!
 * It's now time to end your fun, here comes a spell you can't outrun!

Opening

 * No, no, no, this cannot be! What has happened to little old me?
 * I hate bones, a body I need, can you help with this little deed?
 * Right then, girls, let's fix me up, then Banjo's hairy butt I'll whup!
 * Leave it to me, he's no hassle! I'll kick butt, then off to the castle!
 * Revenge is mine, I cannot miss, let's see that furry fool dodge this!
 * Hold on, sis, I'm nearly there, I've just been to blast that bear!
 * No, no, Klungo, you stay here, I'll be back, have no fear!

When B.O.B. scene starts

 * Come on, sisters, time I lack! What's the plan to get my body back?

Opening

 * 8 long years to bounce back here. I'll win this time and make you cheer!
 * It is me you podgy fool. I'm back again and ready to rule!
 * At least I haven't got a gut. Lets rumble now, I'll bite your butt!
 * Your name is odd and you look a bit queer, So tell old Grunty, what brings LOG here?
 * That sounds like a preposterous ruse. What'll you do if we refuse?
 * My body's gone, but not my eyes. All I see is a pack of lies!
 * Bird was bad in our last game, now it seems she's extra lame!
 * Too slow losers, watch me go! I'll win this time, I just know!
 * While you've slept i've become a mechanic, building my Gruntbots to make you panic!
 * So birdbrain gets a nice new wrench, well what do you have for this lovely wench?

Showdown Town

 * Hey there bear, go fetch me a drink. I'm getting hot and my armpits stink!
 * After some deep consideration, I'll treat this farce as a free vacation!
 * Your feathered friend is such a joke, where are the "funny" lines she once spoke?
 * The race is on, the game is afoot, Banjo's chances just went kaput!
 * With special abilities left on the bench, all you have is that stupid wrench!
 * I came all the way to take you down, to bust your butt and reclaim my crown!
 * A bear, a bird, and a Lord of Games? How nice to have rivals so shockingly lame!
 * You must think you're a champion bruiser, all I see is a fleabag loser!
 * This town is such a confusing place, I'd slap the planner across the face!
 * Is it just me or is your nose square? The fans will hate it, you butt-ugly bear!
 * The Safehouse is open, the police are coming, i'll just stand here innocently humming!
 * You've open up more Showdown Town districts, too bad their full of freaks and misfits.
 * Jinjos and Jiggies? Bottles and Mumbo? Remind me again why I came back, dumbo!
 * My Gruntbots are out there causing trouble, smashing those cretinous worlds to rubble!
 * Spiral Mountain isn't so great, but it's Grunty's slice of real estate!
 * My body's not mine and my skull's all cracked. You still can't beat me and that's a fact!
 * You must have gone mad from Kazooie's blabbing, lazing around for years in that cabin!
 * I'll build a car from sticks and twine, and still outclass your best design!
 * All those years since we've butted heads, and still you're wearing those horrible threads?
 * Hunting Jiggies, I don't see the point. Why drag us here to this dead-end joint?

Nutty Acres

 * Now, what's this before my eyes? A coconut of such a size!
 * The Loco Coco this must be. Soon it's Grunty's, wait and see.
 * With a nut so big, so hard and strong, to flatten the farm won't take too long.
 * Loco Coco, you'll soon be mine. I'll ace this place before bedtime.
 * The Loco Coco is lost for all time, all I have left is my talent for rhyme!

LOGBOX 720

 * Porky bear needs to move a lot quicker, to stop the glubber being used as cat litter!
 * I'll give you a chance, since I'm no gloater. Race me to stop Piddles leaving a floater!
 * My plan's destroyed, you're in the top rank. This cat's worse than Klungo if I'm being frank!

Banjoland

 * Thick-witted bear and feather face, do you know why I'm here in this dreary place?
 * No, you fools, I came to lay waste. But it's already trashed. I should have made haste!
 * Fine then, freaks. I'll wreck it some more! Now don't interrupt my childish chore!
 * Useless bear, come here and fight! I stayed up building this thing all night!
 * Where are you, bear? I'll pound you flat, and wear the bird as a novelty hat!
 * You've taken the spring right out of my step. I've got to stop losing, it's losing my rep!

Jiggoseum

 * Water Polo, it's the finest of sports, I'll never lose to a bear in shorts!
 * I scored all those goals in my first try. Beat that, you can't! Now don't you cry!
 * All those balls, and you won't come close. Just try it and you'll end up toast.
 * Stop looking so smug, you brainless bear! You trounced me, so what? I don't even care!
 * 9-Ball is my latest game. Grunty's the hustler, that's the name!
 * My new weapon's rather glorious. I'll smash your balls and be victorious!
 * Don't spoil my fun, you furry clown! You set 'em up, I'll knock 'em down!
 * You're cheating now, come on, come clean! Don't interfere with my machine!
 * These laser blasts were meant to break you. It's going wrong, I really hate you!
 * This laser makes me hard to beat. Bend down and kiss my warty feet!
 * Thanks for nothing, stubborn fool. You're undermining my new tool!
 * You took me out without missing a trick. You scruffy old bear, you make me sick!

If hit

 * I know you're not a fan of mine, but this behavior's out of line!
 * Don't pick on me, 'cause I'll fight back. I'll show you Gruntys' breath attack!

Ending

 * How I lost I fail to see. A 3 time loser I cannot be!
 * Leaving me here was a big mistake! Just wait for the devious game I make!

Introduction to Banjo-Kazooie

 * Dingpot, Dingpot by the bench, who is the nicest looking wench?
 * Yes you're right, I'm rather proud, my looks stand me out from the crowd!
 * What do you mean, this cannot be, there's no one prettier than me!
 * No no no you must be mad, nicer beauty can't be had!
 * If Tooty thinks she's fairer than me, I'll steal her looks and ugly she'll be.
 * Come to me, my little pretty, you'll soon be ugly, what a pity!
 * Don't scratch and bite little bear, you'll soon need bigger underwear!
 * This fine contraption, so I'm told, will make me young and Tooty old!
 * Rescue you he will not dare, there's many danger's in my lair!
 * Hurry Klungo push that switch, I'm tired of being an ugly witch!

Game Over From Banjo-Kazooie

 * Banjo's game ends in my tower, turn it up I need full power!
 * Look at Grunty she's a beauty, I'm much prettier than Tooty!

Ending From Banjo-Kazooie

 * Stupid Bear & Dumb Kazooie, I'll be back in Banjo-Tooie!
 * All those jiggies you did snatch, but I'll be back for my rematch!